So I’m standing on my balcony smoking a cigarette, half listening to what the girl on my right was talking incessantly about. I smile politely, but before I have the chance to feign any further interest, I am distracted by a sudden raucous coming from inside my apartment. This is college, and my memories on what happened are hazy, probably due to the copious amounts of booze I had consumed that day. A girl was screaming. Not in pain or out of fear. She was fucking screaming in rage at a good friend of mine, who incidentally happens to be one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Let’s call him, Chester. So a bunch of people were sitting in the living room having a good time, drinking, watching sports, whatever. Apparently, this chick says something semi-rude to Chester, but not in a malicious way. Chester responds with “umm…you are definitely not good looking enough to be talking to me like that.” BOOM! Explosion at 9586 Landfair Avenue. Red cups are flying everywhere, this chick is being held by two dudes as she’s screaming and kicking the air, poor Chester is flustered and unsure why his statement provoked such an outrageous response. He was, after all, just trying to be an asshole, just like TV and magazines had taught him all his life. He wasn’t trying to be mean. In fact, he probably had an interest in this girl and was doing what he thought would get her to notice him.

Don’t be a dickhead. Even though the story of my friend Chester is an extreme case of what not to do, a lot of normal, good guys get caught up in trying to act like an asshole. First of all, there is a fine line between asshole and dickhead. Nobody likes dickheads. Second, it is hard to be someone you’re not. Unless you’re really good at it, you’ll come off as awkward or trying too hard. There are much easier ways.

Everyone has it in them to be a good asshole. The term “asshole” is a bit misleading. It kind of implies that you have to be mean or malicious. That is simply not true. Everybody has aspects and situations in their lives that invoke a high level of confidence. The trick is to be able to tap into that side of yourself in every aspect of your life, so it becomes natural. There is nothing more attractive than a man who is standing there, willing to talk to you, but could really care less either way. I know this from back when I used to be attracted to men. Just kidding. Do not expect chicks to give you the time of day until you fully and inherently understand that you deserve it.

Stop believing fairy tales. The first step in mastering the art of self-respect is to take a bath in a steaming vat of reality. Stop putting women on a pedestal. There is no reason for you to ever be nervous when talking to a girl you don’t know. Is she better than you? Is she the fucking president of the Earth? No! She’s just a chick, probably nervous herself! Most nice guys are smart and funny have a ton to offer any girl. And when you compare those qualities to those other douchebags at the bar vying for her attention, forget about it! Figure out what your best qualities are and build your social skills around that.

Being good at video games can be sexy. I don’t usually like to talk about Mystery the pick up artist because I disagree strongly with the way he likes to plan and scheme and make rules. But there is one concept that he brings up which I think is very important. Mystery tells his pupils that it is very important to get yourself in the right mindset before going out. Everyone knows that some nights, you feel better than others. There are nights where you feel you can talk to anyone at the bar and some where you’re sitting at a table doubting yourself. Figure out what to do during the day to get yourself into the right mindset. Do you feel great about yourself after an intense workout at the gym or after a run? Good. Do it! Does the feeling of accomplishing something at work make you hold your head up high? Fucking stop reading this and get typing! If that’s not your cup of tea, turn on your computer and cap on some fucking Zorgs in Starcraft to get yourself going. What makes you feel good about yourself? Incorporate those things into your personality and start to realize that you are the man and you will see huge improvements in your women skills.

Deathly afraid of rejection? That’s completely natural! Nobody likes being rejected. But, don’t let that be your excuse for not putting a foot forward. There are definite ways of getting around this touchy subject. For example, if you start talking to a girl at a party and the conversation isn’t really flowing well and her eyes start to wander, then just say “well it was nice talking to you” and move on. Don’t ever try to force the issue or let it get to the point where she excuses herself to use the bathroom and never comes back. Obviously, the cure all solution to this would be to truly not give a fuck. But for guys who aren’t stupid enough to naturally not care, then having a different mindset can help. One concept I stole from a combination of the movie 40 Year Old Virgin and a good friend of mine is “planting seeds.” If you go out with a group of friends and someone brings some new faces, talk to them. You may not be able to bring them home with you that night, but establishing your existence and letting them know that a confident, badass dude wanted to talk to them can go a long way. Do that and do it as often as possible. Do it even with girls you might not be that attracted to. Plant all those seeds and a surprising number of them will turn into plants. And then what do you do? That’s right. You fuck the plant.

Posted: March 14th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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It is and always has been the curse of the nice guy. I speak of course about the dreaded “friend zone”. The risk of being compassionate and emotionally available is that you are teetering on the verge of friendship canyon, and billions of men before you have slipped and fallen to the jagged platonic rocks below. Once a woman shifts her perception of you from potential amor to amigo, it is a near impossibility to recover. Of course, it is not entirely impossible. But why allow yourself to wind up in that position to begin with? Assuming you have not already, let’s talk about the best ways to avoid landing in the friend zone.

First and foremost, she is not your girlfriend. If she was, hopefully you’d be having sex, and it would be emotionally impossible for her to detach herself and revert to considering you a friend. That’s why after breakups, when girls claim they want to remain “friends”, they are really saying that they want to continue to have an occasional physical relationship in an effort to remove the band-aid slowly. This of course never works and only leaves men confused and women more devastated than they would have been. I digress…she is not your girlfriend. Therefore you should not treat her as such. If you are buying her gifts, writing her sweet notes, etc, you are dooming yourself. She will start to view you as someone who she can use for emotional support in moments of crisis, or when she is simply lonely. She will never be attracted to you if you don’t have self-confidence, and more importantly, self-respect. “Hanging in there” only works in the movies (if even then). Unless of course the two of you go on an adventure and save each other’s lives, with a full orchestra following you around to set the mood.

“Girls like assholes“. I beg to differ. Nobody likes assholes. So why do you see assholes all the time with hot girls that you feel should be with you? Because women are attracted to people with strong personalities. If you can’t make decisions, or assert yourself, you can never hold one’s interest. Guys that are typically considered “assholes” are usually very strong willed individuals. Also there is a good chance he is a guy just like you, that had his heart broken a few too many times before he finally figured it out. Or possibly he figured it out on accident, as a by-product of deciding not to care so much anymore. In addition, some guys are just plain dumb, and naturally oblivious to girls, which works in their favor (in the short term). I don’t subscribe to the belief that in order to get any girl you want, you have to not care about them. Sure, it helps a whole heap. But if you can manage to conduct yourself in a cool and collected (and respectful) manner, and still be emotionally present in your relationships, I believe you will get more out of them. But if that’s not your cup of tea, I do admit that you can bag an endless amount of women by acting like you aren’t the least bit interested in them, and probably even more if you genuinely aren’t. But my point is, if you genuinely aren’t interested in them, how much fun could you possibly be having? The key is to control yourself, and only show the emotions that you want to. It will benefit you in the long run.

She will take advantage of you. If you let her, that is. I don’t know if they’re testing you or what, but all girls do it. They will take and take and take whatever you give them. If you’re smart, you will stop giving right away, and let her know, as politely as possible, that you weren’t put on this Earth to cater to her every whim. When you actually do that, that’s when she’ll start respecting you. She can’t be attracted to you if she doesn’t respect you, that’s impossible. And chances are she’ll never be able to respect you if you don’t learn to respect yourself. Even if she seems a little upset or offended at first, she will respect you.

Do not be available all the time. Do not abandon your friends, no matter how much you like hanging out with her. You have to convey that you are a strong willed person that will do what you want, and she has to respect it. She also has to understand that you have other priorities. By all means be available, but not ALL the time. If you have to get up for work at 6am and she wants you to talk to her on the phone all night, forget about it.

Of course if you have already begun a physical relationship with the girl, a lot of this doesn’t apply. Once you clear that hurdle, all the rules change, and you have a whole new set of things to think about. But as for those of you who are getting close to a woman, and it’s not the kind of close you had in mind…this blog’s for you! Oh, and if you want to cheat your way to victory, just get really drunk together. It’s sort of hit or miss if you want to continue a relationship, but it is a very potent tactic.

Posted: March 12th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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Now, before you think I’m contradicting myself, I want to reiterate that with confidence, you can overcome ANY obstacle that you perceive to be standing in your way of you and a woman (or several women). Having said that, just because a man might have the endurance to run seven miles to work, that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t just drive his car if he has one! Confused??? Okay, fair enough, bad analogy…well I’m talking about jeans! Men’s jeans!

Everyone knows that girls obsess over material things, particularly clothes. It’s a great idea to invest in some designer denim for yourself. Maybe just one or two pairs, for when you go out. Not only will every single woman in range of your butt notice your apparent advanced sense of style, but many will be prone to make conversation with you because of them. Seeing a guy who appears to have similar interests automatically increases her comfort level with you, even though you’ve never met. This is why many women will feel comfortable enough to engage you in a conversation about your fancy pants.

If you’re concerned that spending money on high-end clothing might cause a paradox between you and your manhood, it’s time to update yourself and get acquainted with modern times. No woman is ever going to think less of you because you seem to appreciate premium clothing. In fact, it is quite on the contrary.

Now I’m not talking about a new pair of Anchor Blue jeans, or even a sweet pair of Levi’s. Those are fine for every day purposes, but every now and then you should have a secret weapon. Check out brands like True Religion, Rock and Republic, Seven For All Mankind, and Joe’s Jeans. These companies are very popular among women, but they also make Men’s jeans. Women know exactly what these brands are, and can spot their back pocket designs from a mile away. You can find them at upscale department stores like Nordstrom. You can also find them online. How much is this going to cost you? Be prepared to spend around $160-$300 for a good pair. If you’re looking to play the field, well then you only really need one pair! Trust me, it’s a great investment. Plus, since they are such high quality, they will last a very long time. They also retain their value extremely well. You could buy a pair and wear them for a year, and then turn around and sell them on Ebay for potentially 75% of what you paid for them. I’ve done it myself!

Posted: March 11th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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This is a question that I get all the time. I’m just going to get it out of the way right now. Whether you’re just trying to get some, or you want to pursue a serious relationship, the answer is the same. Many people will tell you that you have to play the waiting game. They’ll tell you that you have to back off, don’t appear too interested, etc. There is some truth to that logic, but the fact of the matter is that it does not matter when you call. All that really matters is your attitude. The fact that you’re making a big deal out of the time frame is already putting you at a disadvantage. If you are genuinely relaxed, and sincerely confident, this will come across in your conversation, no matter if it’s a week later or the next morning. Granted, calling the next morning will give you a slightly steeper hill to climb, but true confidence bounds right over mountain tops.

Posted: March 11th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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If you’ve landed at this site, chances are you’re looking for a little guidance. The art of demystifying women is an age old art. Since the dawn of time, men have been banging their heads against walls (and each other) in the name of girls. I’m here to equip you with all the ammo you could possibly need to confidently enter the world of courtship, and if you so desire, escape unscathed. Whether you’re looking to attain Wilt Chamberlain-esque hook-up statistics, or you’re searching for the girl you’re going to marry, you will find the necessary knowledge to do so here.

No matter what you’re own specific situation might be, the golden rule is to believe in yourself. As corny as it may come off, there is no shortcoming you could possibly have that cannot be compensated for with confidence. Before taking a single step further, you need to give yourself a little credit. The fact that you even care enough to embark on a quest for romantic knowledge sets you apart from most of the guys you are in competition with. You might perceive them to be more skilled with the ladies, but that is not the case. It has nothing to do with skill. The simple man just happens to have an advantage on accident, because he’s unaware of his stupidity, therefore making him appear confident. Once you learn and embrace this, you’ve taken the first step towards swimming in a sea of women, my friend!

Posted: March 10th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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